In This Very Field
by Avec Plaisir
Summary: After a skirmish, Garnet questions why she's fighting. Pearl gives her some encouragement.


**_"Countless gems were broken here. It was a maelstrom of destruction and death."_**

 ** _"But we won!"_**

* * *

Pearl cast her eyes around, hands on her hips, and almost missed her.

Pearl wouldn't have noticed her at all in the tall grass, except the pinks and blues of her form clashed with the natural palette of the landscape. The yellow-green grass parted slightly in the wind, and there she was.

She didn't move as Pearl approached, though Pearl was sure she aware of her. The fusion— _Garnet_ , Pearl was still unused to the name, had never heard of a garnet in all of her existence, but Pearl was making an effort to use pleasantries like respecting names—had heightened sensing abilities, Pearl knew. Probably from the sapphire that composed half of her. And several months ago the fusion— _Garnet_ —would have jumped at Pearl's approach, would have scrambled to her feet, blushing. The reverence in Garnet's eyes had been flattering to Pearl, but excessive, and tainted by the fear she saw there also. Time and several skirmishes had mellowed Garnet out, and for that Pearl was glad. Pearl liked to think Garnet was growing more comfortable around her, though she acknowledged the possibility that Garnet was simply growing less _afraid_.

As she got closer, she could see that Garnet was lying stretched out on her back, arms folded behind her head. Pearl had to step high in the grass, which rose almost to her knees. Each step crackled as individual blades protested the pressure. Even a human would have been able to hear her coming. But, still, Garnet didn't move.

She stopped near Garnet's head, crushing grass beneath her feet.

"Rose was worried you were hurt," she said.

"So she sent you to look for me?" Garnet asked, without any real emotion.

Her eyes were fixed on the clouds.

"I was worried too," Pearl said, in a gentler tone.

Things moved so quickly on Earth; Pearl already considered Garnet a friend.

"Can I sit?" Pearl asked.

Garnet nodded, and Pearl folded to the ground, assuming a position that would poke her the least, and took pleasure in every blade she folded beneath her. When she settled, there remained a thin row of grass between her thigh and Garnet's head. She could see over the blades and through them, but she flattened them with her hand anyway. A warm wind ruffled her hair, made the multicolored, mismatched fabric that covered Garnet's form dance, and sent ripples through Garnet's pastel hair. The sun fell warm on the both of them, the sky a brilliant blue, broken only by the softness of clouds, large and airy, that floated lazily overhead. In every direction was grass, and in the distance, rising shapes, hills. Another gush of wind brought the tang of the ocean, Pearl could almost taste the salt on her lips. Garnet's three eyes blinked slowly, eyelashes throwing shadows along the warm hues of her skin.

It really was a beautiful day.

"I've been thinking," Garnet said.

Pearl cast around for rocks, and found some. One was very smooth and flat in her hand, and she ran her fingers along it a couple of times, enjoying the texture. She laid them on the strip of flattened grass between her and Garnet, to weigh the individual blades down so they wouldn't pop up with wind or with the resiliency of living things. She was making a row of rocks over the flattened grass, and she much preferred the sight of that, something she herself had organized, enjoyed lining them up and placing them according to shape and size. It was neater than the grass, looked almost like a line of stitches in a garment.

"Pearl," Garnet said, and all three eyes were on her.

"I'm listening," Pearl assured her. "You've been thinking."

The announcement wasn't particularly surprising. Garnet was silent often, seemed to weigh many of her words before she spoke, and Pearl sometimes wondered how anyone could be so contemplative—to the point of radio silence, for days on end. She wondered if it had to do with the fact that Garnet was a fusion. She would have to ask some other time.

Pearl's eyes trailed over Garnet's form, and small things caught her eye. The rip near the hem of her shirt was mended. The left foot was now covered in fabric.

"You reformed," Pearl realized, eyes widening. Rose had been right, then, to be worried. "Are you hurt? Your gems?"

"No," said Garnet.

Relieved, Pearl relaxed. A cracked gem wasn't the end of the world; Rose had her healing powers, after all. But, all the same, Pearl preferred her friends whole and intact.

"You look good," Pearl offered, after a moment.

"I look the _same_ ," Garnet said discontentedly.

"You don't have to change each time," Pearl said. "If you like your form."

Garnet shook her head slightly.

"I didn't choose this," she said, and sounded vaguely irritated. "Couldn't choose, couldn't decide."

A pause, and Garnet's lip curled.

"I still don't know who I _am_."

Pearl ran her thumb over the smooth rock.

"Is that what you've been thinking about?"

Garnet shook her head once more.

"No."

Another silence fell, and Pearl knew Garnet well enough by now to wait. She listened to the seagulls calling in the distance. To the wind, rustling gently in the dry grass. The sunlight really was beautiful on Garnet's skin, bringing out warm undertones, highlighting pretty reds, rich browns. Pearl found another stone.

Eventually, Garnet said, "I've been thinking about how selfish I'm being."

Pearl paused, rock slipping from her fingers to land softly, out of line, in the grass.

"Selfish?" she repeated, confused. There were many words she could use to describe Garnet, but selfish wasn't one of them.

Or perhaps it was in a technical sense of the word, if 'selfish' meant 'being for one's self'. But who among them wasn't for themselves? And Garnet didn't display any of the behaviors humans usually indicated with the word—a disregard for the wellbeing of others, an insistence on one's own importance. Pearl had always found Garnet to be rather considerate, if occasionally brash.

"Ruby and Sapphire," Garnet said, "have each other. They betrayed Homeworld for each other, and chose to stay here for each other. To fight."

Pearl waited, unsure where Garnet was going with this. But Garnet's voice had an odd quality to it; it almost sounded like remorse. Did Garnet regret their decision? Did she wish they had never made her? Pearl, being a single gem, had no idea what it was like to have your existence depend on the actions of two other gems. She didn't think anyone knew, except Garnet.

Perhaps Garnet was unhappy.

"It wasn't really a choice," Pearl tried, when Garnet didn't start speaking again immediately. Although she and Rose hadn't witnessed this part, Garnet had told both of them the story. "They would have broken Ruby. You wouldn't have been together."

"You don't understand," Garnet said, and she withdrew her hands from the back of her head. She sat up, looking at the gems in her palms. "They have each other. Rose is protecting the Earth. But when I think about what I'm doing, why I'm here—," and her hands were shaking, ever so slightly.

"You protect the Earth too," Pearl said, "You're a Crystal Gem."

"But I don't _care_ about the Earth," Garnet's voice rose, full of emotion. "It might as well be any other planet. When I think about why I'm here, it's just me. I'm fighting for me. I _shatter_ gems, and it's just for me."

Pearl blinked slowly. There were tears in Garnet's eyes.

"Why is that a bad thing?" Pearl asked.

Garnet stared at her, eyes large.

"I _kill_ , so that I can exist," Garnet said. "How is that not bad?"

"They want to kill you," Pearl said. "It seems fair to me."

Garnet was frowning.

" _Multiple_ gems, Pearl," she stressed, earnest. "It's only going to get worse. Things are only escalating. And we're fighting for the Earth, fine, but countless gems will be shattered here, in this very field even—I can _see_ it, Pearl. I'm going to kill again and again and again. And what gives me the _right—?_ To decide that my existence is worth taking their _lives_ —?"

The wind whistled through the space between them.

"You're so hung up about the fact that you're doing this for yourself," Pearl said slowly. "But we've all got our reasons for fighting, none of them more valid than the others. The fact that you exist at all is _amazing_ , Garnet. You're made of two gems who gave up _everything_ to be together, that's _incredible_ — _!_ I—" Pearl hesitated, looking down. Her fingers pulled at a blade of grass, her voice took on a wistful quality, "—I'd give anything to know what that feels like."

 _Squawk!_ cried a seagull, voice muffled by distance. And Pearl refused to linger on negative thoughts.

"If you ask me," Pearl continued, looking up to meet Garnet's gaze, "I'd say that if any gem has a right to exist, it's you."

Garnet was staring at her, a faint blush dusting her cheeks.

"Let me tell you a secret," Pearl said conspiratorially, very much enjoying the way Garnet was looking at her. Like she'd hung the moon. She leaned forward and waited for Garnet to follow suit.

"I'd fight for me, too," Pearl said, " if I were you."

The corner of Garnet's mouth turned up.

"Instead, you just fight for Rose Quartz."

Pearl gave a faint smile.

"We all have our reasons," she repeated, and this was a kindness to herself.

She stood.

"Besides," she said. She smoothed the back of her shorts, loosening any dirt that clung there, before offering a hand to Garnet. "I do fight for you, also."

Garnet accepted Pearl's hand and allowed herself to be helped up.

"And," Pearl continued, something mischievous in her eyes. "I'd hoped that you returned the sentiment."

Garnet's eyes widened.

"Of course."

"Really, 'of course'?" Pearl teased. " Because it sounded like you only care about yourself."

Garnet was blushing profusely now.

"You know what I mean," Garnet said, embarrassed.

Pearl smiled. She was beginning to, at any they needed to head back. The day was wearing on, sky turning orange even as they stood, and there was much to do to prepare for the next.

Still, she relished how close Garnet stood as they warped back.


End file.
